Published by the Wicked Lifestyles Team- Swinger Lifestyle Guide
Welcome to Wicked Lifestyles, where the sheets are tangled, the conversations are open, and the adventures are just getting started. If you’re new to the swinging lifestyle—or even if you’ve been swapping partners longer than most couples stay married—this juicy little rulebook is for you. While every couple, throuple, or polycule has its own preferences, there are some tried-and-true swinger rules that help keep the fun flowing and the drama at bay.
These aren’t rules you’ll find etched in stone or listed on a club wall (though maybe they should be). They’re the unsaid codes of conduct—the lifestyle commandments—that experienced swingers live by. Whether you’re a newbie couple nervously walking into your first lifestyle party or seasoned vets managing multiple playdates in a week, mastering these unwritten rules will elevate your game, protect your boundaries, and maximize your pleasure.
So grab a cocktail, slide into something a little more comfortable, and let’s get into it. Here are the 10 Unwritten Rules Every Swinger Should Know when being part of the Ethical Non-Monogamy community.
1. Consent Is Queen, King, and the Entire Royal Court
In the swinging lifestyle, consent isn’t just important—it’s the crown jewel, the entire royal family, and the castle walls that keep everything safe and sexy. Without clear, enthusiastic consent, there is no lifestyle. PERIOD. Every encounter, from a playful flirt at a lifestyle party to a full-on bedroom adventure, should begin and end with mutual agreement, comfort, and respect. Remember, “no” is a complete sentence—and so is “not tonight” or “let’s slow it down.” Healthy boundaries and ongoing communication create trust, which is why consent is celebrated as the golden rule in swinger etiquette, ethical non-monogamy, and every shade of sex-positive communities.
Setting this tone upfront doesn’t just protect your relationships—it amplifies the fun. When everyone knows they’re valued, respected, and safe, the swinging experience becomes exactly what it’s meant to be: thrilling, liberating, and deeply connected. Think of consent as the ultimate lifestyle rulebook cheat code—the one that unlocks genuine pleasure, mutual respect, and unforgettable nights.
Pro Tip: If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. Respect and Honor that. Check out Navigating Consent in Swinger Relationships: A Guide for assistance with consent.
2. Communication: Be Loud, Proud, and Crystal Clear
You and your partner (s) need to be on the same page—like, same book, same chapter, same sentence. Discuss your boundaries before the event, be honest about your comfort zones, and have a game plan for how to check in with each other.
Keep communication open during play, too. If something doesn’t feel right, speak up. If something feels amazing, also speak up! We’re here for fun, not confusion.
3. Hygiene Matters More Than Your Outfit (and Your Outfit Is Hot AF)
Swinger etiquette 101: Be clean. Showers before play, fresh breath, trimmed nails, clean sheets. Good hygiene signals respect and readiness. No matter what, ensure that you are ready for every event possible in the swinging lifestyle; you never know what may come or what may happen.
Bonus tip: Keep a lifestyle go-bag with mints, wipes, condoms, lube, and a towel (check out some of the Wicked Towels we made just for this occasion). You’ll look prepared and sexy as hell.
4. No Means No. Yes Also Means Yes—For That One Thing, One Time
Boundaries are dynamic. Just because someone played with you once doesn’t mean they’re on your personal menu forever. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE remember that! Get clear consent each & every time. And if someone says no—smile, say thank you, and move on. No ghosting, guilt-tripping, or ego bruising. Please keep in mind that dynamics can change drastically in the swinger lifestyle. It doesn’t mean that the other person did not have a good time or they don’t want to ever play with you again. It could possibly mean that they may have something else on the menu for them that night, they could have already reached their nightly threshold of partners for the day, or just maybe they could possibly be tired and just want to relax and enjoy the atmosphere. You never know, so if you receive a no, then accept it, be polite and move on!
This is a lifestyle of abundance. Trust: there’s always more sexy where that came from.
5. Don’t Be a Creeper or a Clinger
Lingering a little too long? Repeating suggestive jokes after a clear “no thanks”? Messaging someone ten times after one flirty convo at a party? That’s a one-way ticket to getting ghosted or blocked in swinger circles. Many times we have seen friends give out their contact information at parties and events and not even 4 or 5 minutes later their phones, Facebook, Instagram and even Peaches’ N Cream is going crazy crazy! We have had to intervene a few times when people just go overboard with calls, texts and messages. Those kinds of actions are extremely creepy and makes people feel very uncomfortable. When we were hosts at our local swinger venue, we had to remove and even ban people because of these actions. So please do not be that person who is a creeper, and if it happens to you just remember that you do not have to deal with it.
Be flirty, not pushy. Confident, not clingy. There’s a fine line, and everyone can feel it. And when we mean everyone, we literally mean EVERYONE can feel that shit. So please, save yourself the embarrassment and/or removal from groups…AND DON’T DO IT!
6. Respect the Primary Partnership
If you’re playing with someone in a committed relationship, always honor that bond. Don’t DM them privately without mutual consent. Don’t try to create emotional intimacy if that’s off-limits. Their primary relationship comes first, always. One of the worst things that someone can do is intrude on an existing and established relationship. It extremely rarely works out the way one hopes, and it creates unneeded drama in the lifestyle community. Keep in mind that people in the lifestyle community do talk and do take safety very serious, so if you try and get between partners then you could & probably will be labeled someone who does that in that community and other communities near that one!
If you’re unsure—ask! Open communication is hot, remember that!
7. Swinger Circles Are Smaller Than You Think (So Don’t Be Messy)
Gossip spreads fast. Drama spreads faster. If you’re starting feuds, talking behind backs, or airing out private details, you’ll find yourself on every “Do Not Invite” list in the tri-state area. Keep in mind that some people in the swinger lifestyle do not want their private business to become public, because people do have lives outside of it. If someone tells you something in confidence, please do not disrespect them by spreading what they told you. There is a reason they told you in the first place….IT IS CALLED TRUST! So don’t break that person’s trust and violate what they shared with you. It could and probably will have bad consequences for you.
Treat the lifestyle like a small town: Be kind, keep it classy, and clean up after yourself, emotionally and otherwise.
8. Be Inclusive and Body Positive
Swingers come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and kinks. Don’t yuck someone else’s yum. If someone isn’t your type, politely decline and move on. Everyone deserves respect and a sexy space to feel desired. One thing we have learned in the swinger lifestyle that we have come to love is the notion that, “Everyone is a 10, and everyone is Sexy!” They may not be YOUR cup of tea, but they are there and they are sexy! We have met several people in the lifestyle that are very body positive
This is a lifestyle for open minds and open hearts—not judgmental vibes. Please keep those types of vibes at the house, they are not wanted in ANY lifestyle community.
9. Always Play Safer
Use protection. Talk about sexual health before play. Get tested regularly and share your results with partners who ask. You can get a discreet at home testing kit here. This isn’t just about keeping your bits healthy—it’s about building trust and community. You can read more about STI testing on our recent blog post, “Know Your Status: Swinger STI Testing Made Easy.”
Want bonus points? Learn about PrEP, STI awareness, and use language that shows you care about your partners’ safety as much as your own. You can find more information about STI’s on the Center for Disease Control’s website.
10. Have Fun, But Don’t Forget to Reconnect
Swinging is wild, sexy, unpredictable fun. But your core relationship(s) need love and attention too. Make time for aftercare. Debrief after an event. Reconnect emotionally and physically. One of the worst habits in the lifestyle that we have noticed is partners never reconnect after playing with either another person or another couple. It is extremely important to stay connected with the person you are in a relationship with. You had your fun, or ya’ll had some fun; now it is time to make sure that each one of you are okay and do not need anything. Do no be afraid to ask your partner if they are okay or if they need something. And that goes both ways, if you need anything or want to talk about how you feel, then find a quiet place to do that! I know that Trinity and I would go and shower together after we played with someone. It is our aftercare that we do together, and that is the time that we spend together where we can be alone and discuss how we feel after playing. It really makes a huge difference.
Doing aftercare and ensuring that everyone is okay ensures that if there is an issue that it can be brought to light right then and not brought back with you where you live. If there is any issue, we highly recommend that you address it right then and there; don’t wait until it builds up to something it shouldn’t have been. Speak on it and get it out so it can be addressed.
It’s not just about who you play with—it’s about how you grow and stay grounded in your relationships.
Our Final Thoughts: This Isn’t Just Sex—It’s a Lifestyle
At the end of the day, swinging is about freedom, connection, and exploration. It’s about discovering new versions of yourself and others in the sexiest, most respectful way possible. These unwritten rules aren’t meant to restrict you—they’re here to guide you through the wild ride that is consensual non-monogamy.
So whether you’re planning your first lifestyle vacation, flirting your way through a swinger dating app, or just vibing at your favorite local club, keep these rules in your back pocket. They’ll serve you well in the bedroom—and out.
Now, we want to hear from you: Did we miss any crucial rules? Do you have a spicy story or a personal code of conduct you swear by? Drop your thoughts in the comments below and let’s make this conversation as steamy and smart as the lifestyle itself.
Until next time—play safe, love hard, and stay wicked.
