Here is a list of terms/sayings we have encountered in the lifestyle that we believe newbies and even some Veteran swingers may want to become familiar with! Please remember that not all the terms will be used in everyday swinger conversation and in your area as well. Different communities in the United States and around the world even may have adopted different terms or they may not use them at all.
~A~
Access Ticket: a person, often a woman, who is brought to a swinger party for sole purpose to assist a man in gaining entry. In many communities this practice is frowned upon and often involves a paid sex worker.
Aftercare: post-play check-in between parties after any form of intimacy. This could be emotional, psychological, physical and even spiritual aftercare. This is the time to give attention to all parties involved to ensure everyone is comfortable and feeling safe. Please keep in mind that everyone is different, and aftercare will vary from person to person, or even how aftercare can happen if it is more than two partners.
Airtight: sexual position when a woman has a penis in her vagina, one penis in her anus, and another penis in her mouth simultaneously. Wish all orifices filled at the same time, by different playmates, it can create a very intense and fulfilling experience. Keep in mind that this position can be accomplished with may people of different sexes.
Alpha Male: a male who strives to be the best version of himself in all aspects of his life. His presence is dominant and assertive and exhibits outstanding leadership qualities. Alpha males earn other’s respect without asking for it, he proves his worth time and time again by never demanding respect but by being there whenever he is needed. Alpha males have amazing communication skills, are extremely passionate and can adjust to different situations with ease.
Alternative Lifestyle (Alt Lifestyle): term used to describe a sexual relationship that is not in the traditional monogamous marital bond, including swinging, polyamory, BDSM and more.
~B~
Bareback: term used to describe sexual intercourse without the safety of a condom. Riding without a saddle! Ensure that all parties are in agreeance to type of play for the safety of all parties, present and future.
BBC/BWC: acronyms for “Big Black Cock” and “Big White Cock” referring to penis size which is very commonly used in the lifestyle (and in lifestyle apps) describing the size of a man’s penis! To some no matter the color, the bigger the better!
BBW/BHM: acronym for “Big Beautiful Woman” and “Big Handsome Man” is a body attraction to fuller-figured women and men with confidence! Flaunt it if you got it right?
BDSM: Bondage & Discipline (or domination), Sadism, & Masochism as a type of sexual practice. This is where pleasure and pain come together in one of the sexiest games of give and take. There is a lot of misconception about BDSM play, where people misunderstand this part of the lifestyle as being abusive, but if done correctly, safely and consensually it can make for a very healthier sex life.
Bi-receptive: an individual who will receive affection, love and pleasure from partners of any gender.
Black Ring: literally a black ring that worn either on the right ring finger or right middle finger that signals a swinger status. Also can mean asexuality, so be cautious and if asked explain what it means.
Blow Bang: a variation of a gang bang where a woman performs oral sex on multiple partners in a group setting.
Blow & Go: term used in some lifestyle communities that is a casual way of having an oral sexual encounter without much engagement.
Broke/Broken: term refers to an individual not able to engage in play (sexual activity). Usually due to menstruation, injury, health concerns, or possible surgical procedure.
Bondage: type of consensual and recreational sexual practice of tying, restraining, or binding a partner. Can include but is not limited to ropes, chains, cloth, belts, leather straps and handcuffs. This can be an extremely heightened sexual experience for both parties involved if done correctly. When using bondage, please ensure you are doing safely and correctly. This can be an amazing experience but can also be an EXTREMELY dangerous one as well. So ensure you have a safe word handy and take your time to achieve the greatest experience.
Boundary/Boundaries: extremely important part of the lifestyle that describes personal limitations or guidelines set by either a person, couples or even groups. It basically defines comfort zones within which you and/or your partner can explore in a healthy manner. Having boundaries ensure that everyone can enjoy their experience safely and without crossing over into uncharted territory that may cause conflict later.
Bull: term used in the cockhold or hotwife type of relationships. Usually well-endowed male who engages in play with another man’s partner in a dominant and confident role.
Bukkake: several men ejaculating onto one woman.
~C~
Can Travel: used mostly in an online setting, are individuals who are capable of traveling for swinging encounters and are unrestricted by distance.
Catfishing: term used mostly with online dating/looking where someone creates a fictitious persona to gain your trust by sweet and kinds words and even alluring pictures, only to turn out not to be the person they are portraying. Safety first my fellow swings, because there are predators everywhere. Make sure you have some dialogue prior to meeting someone. And if/when you do meet, make sure it is somewhere public and neutral.
Cheating: in a swinging or polyamorous relationship, this term means sexual activity with any others outside the relationship without consent or established rules that are set forth
Clean: hygienic and free from Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD) & Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI).
Clean up: going down on a partner after sex. This term can be considered mutual for both men and women.
Closed group: Swinger club or community that requires a membership or invitation to join. Usually people are vetted through other people/couples that are already established in the community. Some closed groups will reach out to you, usually social media, to get to know you to ensure you will be a good fit for their community and to inquire where did you hear about that particular community.
Compersion: this term is literally the opposite of jealousy. It is a feeling of joy and/or happiness when one’s partner takes pleasure or enjoyment in another romantic or sexual relationship.
Condom Contract: formal agreement within a sexual dynamic to confine sexual contact to the people in that particular relationship, usually each of whom have been previously screened for STD’s & STI’s. Usually condom contracts specify under what conditions someone in the group can have sexual intercourse without the use of a condom with another.
Consensual Non-Consent (CNC): the giving over consent to be violated for role-play purposes. Commonly associated with “rape” or ravishment fantasies. Personally, if this kink is going to be used I would highly suggest it be contracted and or written down prior to performing. Safety first my friends.
Consent: an extremely vital aspect within every swinging and non-monogamous relationships. Having consent emphasizes all parties’ informed agreement. This term will always be the cornerstone of swinging and non-monogamous relationships. ALWAYS HAVE CONSENT! Get consent from your partner (if you have one) and ensure that the individual you are playing with has consent as well.
Cougar: term used when an older woman seeks younger men for casual or sexual relationships.
Couples Cruise: Organized swingers take-over cruises with nightly theme parties and onboard nudity.
Cuckholding/Cucking: a kink whereby one partner gets off on watching the other partner engage in sexual acts with another person. During cucking, not all instances is the cuck (the partner normally watching) in the room. In some cases the cuck does not come in the room but rather gets aroused by hearing the description of the events in detail later.
Curious: term usually used for newbies in the swinging lifestyle who are unsure of their preferences or their boundaries. If you find yourself int his situation as a newbie, the spend some time getting to know some of the OG’s (usually the Hosts/Helpers) in the lifestyle and they will help guide and educate you.
~D~
DAP: abbreviation for “double anal penetration” whereas a female partner is simultaneously penetrated by two different partners or objects in her anus. This could be penises, dildos, or a combination of anything that can go in the anus.
DDF: one or favorite terms to hear in the lifestyle. This term is used to declare that one is “drug and disease-free!” Please remember one important aspect that we have learned the hard way with this term. Not everyone on Earth is truthful, so some people will not be quick to give away their dirt in the first conversation.
Director: is the main operator of a swingers club or event.
Dirty Vanilla: people who do not identify as in the lifestyle or a “swinger” but sometimes likes to participate in swinger parties, events or plays with friends occasionally.
Discreet: term used to keep lifestyle activities private or not discuss them outside the community. Remember, what happens with swingers stays with swingers!
Dominant: term used in BDSM kink communities where the dominant, or dom, takes an authoritative role. They guide and direct their submissive partners with confidence and consent.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell (DADT): relationship type where a partner has the approval from the other partner to have an additional romantic or sexual relationship with the agreeance that the partner does not know anything about the additional relationships. Usually in this dynamic, the partner the agree does not want to hear about it and does not want to meet the other partner’s playmate.
Doubles Room: room at a swinger/lifestyle event where couples engage in sexual intercourse either privately or with others watching, called voyeurism. All in a consensual way for the couple engaging.
Double Barrel: term used when an adventurous woman simultaneously pleasures two men orally simultaneously. Two-for-one type of deal.
Double Penetration (DP): sexual intercourse where one who has one penis in her vagina and another penis in her anally. Don’t worry, don’t worry! It doesn’t have to be real penises, you can have the real one in the vagina and let your partner use a dildo anally. Heck, be creative and go wild!
Double Vaginal Penetration (DVP): sexual intercourse where a woman is engaged in sexual intercourse by two men and both of their penises are in her vagina simultaneously.
Drama: refers to individuals displaying jealousy or causing disturbances in the swinging community.
Drama Free: describes a relationship free of jealousy or emotional turmoil.
DTF: expression used in most of society where someone is “Down to Fuck!” Usually means they have a green light from their partner (if they are in a relationship), and if they are single then they have a choice of whom they would like to play with.
~E~
Eiffel Tower: term used when two partners high-five over a lucky third. The fun sexual position involves three individuals, usually where the a female partner is penetrated from behind by one male while performing oral sex on the other. In some of our encounters wifey and I have created this iconic pose on a lucky lady where I, the male, was behind a female and wifey was in front wearing a strap-on dildo.
Exclusive: denotes couples who exclusively play with each other or a select group of couples.
Exhibitionism: deriving sexual gratification from exposing one’s body parts or engaging in sexual activities in the presence of others. Exhibitionism is extremely common within almost every swinging community…especially the ones we have been to or are a part of. We love to engage in exhibitionism when we go to swinger parties. We love to show off our skills and make people drool as we have our naughty fun.
Exhibitionist (s): a person who gets sexual gratification/pleasure from other people watching them engage in sexual activities. Exhibitionists are always the life of the party, and are usually always down for doing it where people can see. The more the merrier right?
~F~
Fake: in the lifestyle we refer to “fakes” as people who falsely represent themselves or their intentions in our communities. There is nothing wrong with being a newbie and seeing how the lifestyle works, but there is something wrong with people that deceive true members of the community! If you are new and you find out that this is not your scene, just please be honest and genuine. The lifestyle is not a place for deception.
Family First: Couples prioritize family obligations over swinging activities.
FFM: Female-Female-Male threesome
Fluid Bonded: agreement between partners to share sexual secretions, typically through unprotected sex.
FMF: Female-Male-Female threesome
Fluffing/Fluffer: this term is used in gangbangs, where the act of or the person whose job it is to keep men hard until it is time for them to perform.
Full Swap: term used when two sets of partners fully engage with each other’s partners, including all forms of sexual activity. This can happen in the same room or in separate rooms. There are also times when couples will even stay the night at another couple’s residence for the evening. Remember, everything starts with boundaries and consent.
FWB: this term is extremely popular in the lifestyle where friends engage in sexual activity without commitment, other than friendship. We have a few of these in our time in the lifestyle. Ours came about by getting to know people and getting close to them, and the sex was so good that we all had to keep things going!
~G~
Gangbang: an exciting play session where one person is the central focus of the sexual activity, usually containing several people or more taking turns or simultaneously please a person. This was a term that was originally made for females being the central focus, but now we have a “Reverse Gangbang” where the man is the center of focus.
Glory Hole: a hole, typically in a wall or some sort of partition, commonly used in adult scenarios where one person provides some type of sexual stimulation anonymously.
Golden Shower: a steamy session where one partner gets aroused by either urinating or be urinated on by another partner or more than one partner.
Group Room: dedicated space/room at swingers’ parties for group sexual activities. Sometimes orgies take place in these rooms, but sometimes it is just a bunch of swapping couples engaging in sexual activities in the same space.
~H~
Hall Pass: the ultimate permission slips for pleasure in the lifestyle, where a partner grants the freedom of the other partner to explore their sexual desires without the need for permission. Please keep in mind that just because you may have a hall pass, your expected playmate may still need to get permission to play, so be courteous and respect everyone’s boundaries and rules.
Hard Swing: a swinger party or encounter where sexual activities are assumed and expected.
Hedonism II: all-inclusive, adults only resort in Jamaica catering to swinger couples and singles.
Hierarchy: structure within a polyamorous relationship where certain relationships are prioritized over others (e.g., primary, secondary partners)
Host: we love to call them the OGs of the swinger world and are usually leaders of the party. Hosts are individuals or couples for planning, organizing and overseeing the events, parties and gatherings. There job is to make each and every experience a memorable one for swingers who attend events. They are also an excellent source of information for new swingers in the lifestyle.
Hotel Takeover: such an amazing event that happen all around the world where swingers take over either an entire hotel or sometimes a few floors of a hotel room. It is the ultimate playground for swingers because each and every room has a different theme for each and ever desire you can imagine! During this event swingers and kinksters partake in sexual activities and social engagement at a hotel or a resort.
Hot Wife: a woman who has the consent from her partner to engage in sexual activity with another. Sometimes the other partner watches or the hot wife will sometimes film it for her partner to enjoy later.
House Party: a swinger/lifestyle party that is hosted at someone’s private residence where any room can be made into a playroom. Leave all your inhibitions at the door and let your innermost sexual desires become a reality at house parties.
~I~
IYKTYK: abbreviation for “If You Know, Then You Know” referring to knowing about the lifestyle
Interracial: Preference or focus on partners of a different race, often seen as a preference tag on lifestyle profiles online and in swinger apps.
ISO: abbreviation for “In Search Of” that is used mostly on swinger profiles. Please pay close attention to what others are searching for. There is nothing worse than trying to engage with a couple that isn’t looking for what you are offering!
~K~
Kink: Unconventional or non-standard sexual practices that do not conform to societal norms, more used in the BDSM & Fetish communities.
~L~
Lifestyle (LS): the official term used by swingers used to describe the swinging community to cover much of non-monogamy relationships. It is more than a hobby; it is our lifestyle!
~M~
Mandingo: a man boasting sexual powers or well-endowed anatomy.
Masochism: sexual pleasure from your own pain or humiliation.
Meet and Greet: an event to meet other lifestyle couples/singles, no a play event. Sometimes at meet & greets, you may find people or other couples that you may meet up after the even to further explore playful avenues.
MFM: an abbreviation for Male-Female-Male threesome where there are two men and one woman, and there is no play between the male actors.
MMF: another abbreviation for Male-Male-Female where two males engage sexually with one another as well as the female! No one is left out!
Moresome: sexual play involving four people or more.
~N~
Negotiation: the act of working out what the boundaries are, if any prior to any sexual activity. This can be a long-term negotiation for a special type of relationship or a short-term one for a play session.
Newbies: individuals who are new to the lifestyle and often need education, guidance, and understanding.
No-Kissing Rule: for some in the lifestyle this is a big deal. It is a rule placed by partners to keep feelings in check and ensure that sexual activities stay exactly what it is, in their eyes; merely a sexual experience. This rule prohibits partners from engaging in emotional attachments by kissing and keeps it purely a physical experience. If you find yourself in this dynamic just remember to either respect boundaries or go find another playmate.
No Means No: one of the most fundamental rule in swinging, emphasizes the importance of consent.
No Strings Attached (NSA): a term used to describe casual sexual relationship without expectations of any commitment or future encounters. Usually in this dynamic the sex is so good that you want to keep it around, both parties have an agreement to keep it extremely casual and meet up when it is time to get it on! Be careful with this aspect though because feelings can come into play pretty quickly, so remember to keep it casual and only move further if both parties agree to it.
Non-Monogramy: term used as an umbrella term that entails various relationship styles and arrangements that allow people to engage in romantic or sexual relationships with multiple partners simultaneously, but with the consent and knowledge of all parties involved.
~O~
Open Marriage: marriage agreement that allows partners to engage with others outside the primary relationship.
Orgy: the pinnacle of the swinger lifestyle where a group of people engage in consenting sexual activities simultaneously and in the same room. Usually happens in prearranged orgy rooms. We have been blessed to experience the great orgy, and if you are game for it then we highly recommend trying it out.
~P~
Parallel Play: Side-by-Side seduction where couples engage in sexual activities with their partners are near other couples enjoying each other’s company while maintaining separate interactions.
PAWG: term referring to Phat (Pretty Hot & Tempting) Ass White Girl. Occasionally used to describe Caucasian women with voluptuous figures at swinger events.
Pegging: sex act where one partner, normally a woman, who is wearing a strap-on dildo and performs anal sex on the other partner.
Perpendicular play: almost like parallel play, but with a slight twist to it. Swingers exploring new positions and angles, turning every encounter into a thrilling game of sexual geometry.
Pillow Princess: term referring to an individual, typically female, who enjoys receiving sexual pleasure but may not actively reciprocate or participate in sexual activities with their partner.
Pizza Oven: very similar to a gloryhole, but with a slight twist in it. It is set up where a woman’s lower half is exposed for anonymous fun. Straps are used to keep things in place and cover for discretion. It happens mostly in other countries than the Continental US. Just remember this, “When in another country, do as the other country men do!”
Play: in the swinger community refers to engaging in sexual activity! If you are at a swingers’ party and someone asks if you are down to play, they aren’t referring to Uno the card game!
Play Parties: organized parties at clubs or private residence where sexual activities are the primary focus.
Playmate: in the swinging community, is someone, no matter single or part of a couple, with whom one regularly engages in sexual activities.
Platonic: this is the friend zone! This is a relationship dynamic is characterized by friendship and emotional intimacy without the romance and sexual intimacy.
Playroom: this is a version of adult Candyland for swingers where there is a designated room that is equipped with all types of toys, equipment and furnishings for all of your sexual enjoyment and exploration. Please remember swinger etiquette here people! If you play with something, make sure that you clean up after yourselves. There is nothing worse than wanting to use something and find out that the last players didn’t clean up after themselves.
Polyamory: described as having multiple romantic relationships at the same time and each partner is aware of the others.
Poly Saturation: a point at which a person feels they have reached the limit of partners they can comfortably manage.
Private Party: an invitation-only gathering of swingers where it is often more selective and exclusive to the event.
~Q~
Quad: a polyamorous relationship involving four people, who may be romantically or intimately connected in various configurations.
Queen of Spades: usually a symbol or a hashtag (#QOS) that signals that a white woman’s preference for black men in swinging contexts. Growing subculture where white women are actively looking for BBC. In some communities you can also find women with a tattoo of a “Q” on it and is usually placed in an inconspicuous place (like the hips or buttocks area).
Questioning: an identity term for a person who is exploring their sexuality and/or gender.
~R~
Radical Honestly: a value in polyamorous relationships where individuals practice open, transparent communication even on difficult topics.
Reclamation sex: this refers to the period after one partner plays with someone outside of their normal couple setting. It is basically reconnecting with your partner after engaging in sex with a different partner/partners. It is actually a great way to reignite the flames in your current dynamic and reaffirm the bond you share with your partner.
Recreational Swinger: individuals who enjoy swinging for pleasure without seeking long-term emotional connections
Red Flag: the international warning sign or indicator of possible issues or concerns within a relationship or social interaction that warrants the need for caution. If you are getting red flags, our recommendation is get out of the situation immediately and seriously reevaluate what is going on or going wrong. Don’t get yourself in a situation that is more than you can handle or could cause issues in your personal relationship. STAY SAFE & STAY CAUTIOUS!
Regulars: referring to people that frequently attend swinger events, parties, or gatherings. These individuals, whether a couple or single individual, always make the party and bring a sense of community with them.
Relationship Anarchy (RA): a philosophy where relationships aren’t bound by societal norms or hierarchical structures, focusing on individual autonomy.
Role Play: acting out fantasies or specific roles to enhance sexual experiences.
Rules: for swingers, “the rules: are guidelines and principles agreed upon by couple for their participation in the lifestyle.
~S~
Sadism: deriving sexual pleasure/gratification from inflicting pain, humiliation, or suffering on another person.
Safe Word: term used mostly in the BDSM community that signifies that a person has reach their limit. Once the safe word is used everything stops and the person using the safe word needs to be checked on to ensure they are feeling okay and may need assistance or aftercare. Please be respectful of everyone’s usage of safe words, not everyone is built the same.
Same Room: term used when a partner trade where all sexual acts and activities done in the swap are performed in the same room with the other partner present.
Seasoned Swingers: these individuals have extensive experience in the swinger lifestyle and are very comfortable with partner exchanges in private and party settings.
Secondary: a partner who holds a less central position in a hierarchical polyamorous arrangement.
Separate Rooms: term used when partners engage in consensual sexual activities in separate rooms where partners are swapped without their primary partners present.
Shibari: type of kink that is a Japanese art of knot-tying that involves creating patterns that complement the body’s natural curves.
Snowballing: the act of spitting semen into a partner’s mouth after oral sex. Usually a very dramatic act that allows the man to watch as his semen comes out of one mouth into another’s. Usually after the act, the two recipients French kiss and either decide to swallow the semen or to let it drip down their bodies.
Snow Bunny: term that refers to a Caucasian woman who exclusively dates black men in different swinging communities
Soft Swap: partner trade in which sexual acts are performed without penetration.
Solo Polyamory: a polyamorous approach where individuals maintain their independence, often choosing not to have a primary or nesting partner.
Spice: the plural form of “spouse” in polyamorous circles, referring to multiple partners one is committed to.
Spit Roast: sex act involving two men and a woman where the woman is penetrated from behind by one man and is engaged with oral intercourse with the other man.
Squirting: splashy explosion of fluid from a woman’s vagina during sexual stimulation.
Stag/Vixen: Part of the hotwife dynamic where the stag takes the lead and watches his vixen be the star of the show but does not demean her man during this act.
Starfish: term used when someone lays flat on their back during sex and not moving too much. Just lies there and takes in all the excitement.
Strap On: a dildo worn with a harness during sexual activity.
Stealthing: when a man removes a condom during sex without his partner’s consent. Beginning to become illegal in some states and countries.
Submissive: an individual who surrenders total control and embraces the thrill and excitement of submitting to another person. This usually occurs in a sexual or BDSM setting where they experience pleasure through acts of obedience or submission.
Swinger Name: used in most online apps where a couple or individual adopts a unique name or nickname for identification in the swinging community.
Swinging: practice of having multiple sexual partners outside your current relationship dynamic. Relationships with other partners/playmates are merely sexual in nature and not an emotional or romantic relationship.
Swingle: a single individual who pairs up with someone of the opposite sex to attend swinger parties.
Switch: person who switches between sexual roles. Both dom/sub, top/bottom, etc.
~T~
Taking One for the Team: engaging with a partner that you might not be particularly into or are attracted to in order to ensure everyone in the group gets some action. This is Superman of the group. Willing to have fun with someone that you really aren’t in to just to ensure the party keeps going.
Temptation: adult-only resort in Cancun, Mexico that offers a unique playground for adults, with swinger-friendly amenities and topless options.
Threesome: sexual encounter where that includes three people engaging in sexual activities and are highly sought in swinger communities.
Throuple: a relationship between three people who are all romantically or intimately connected.
Towel Shark: term that refers to a single individual, usually a male, attempting to join ongoing encounters between couples.
Triad: term involving three individuals emotionally and sexually involved with each other
Triangulary Polyamory: structure where three people are each involved with one another, forming a triadic relationship.
Tri-Sexual: term that describes the willingness to explore various sexual experiences without any limitations.
~U~
Unicorn: bisexual single woman open to dating or playing with couples, highly sought after in the swinger lifestyle.
Upside Down Pineapple: the secret symbol of the swinger community without needing to say a word to anyone.
Utopian: individuals who fully embrace swinging as a total lifestyle, integrating it into various aspects of their lives.
~V~
Validations: used in online apps that are positive feedback/comments left by other members of the swinging community indicating approval or acceptance from others regarding their attitudes, appearances, and performances. Make good impressions with each and everyone in the community. Validations are amazing ways for people to meet you and know that you are real and who you say you are.
Vanilla: term used in the swinging lifestyle who are non-swingers or monogamous individuals that either do not participate in swinging activities or do not know the lifestyle exists.
Vee: polyamorous arrangement where one person is involved with two partners who are not involved with each other.
Verification: online app process of confirming the identity, authenticity, or intentions of individuals or couples within the swinging community. Verification process is usually done through personal references, dated photos and possibly validations.
Vetting: the practice of evaluating or assessing potential partners or participants within the swinging community, typically to ensure compatibility, safety, and mutual respect before engaging in sexual activities.
Vixen: partnered females open to sexual encounters alone or in front of their proud stag partners, resembling the hotwife dynamic.
Vixing: the act involving a woman engaging in sexual activities with a man other than her partner with full consent and encouragement.
Voyeur: an individual who enjoys watching others engage in sexual activities, often without participating. Wifey and I love to call these the “Watchers!” Usually, these individuals get sexual please or gratification through the process of watching others, and then taking their excitement to their own bedroom with their own partner.
~W~
Wed: slang for being in a committed, often long-term, relationship with a primary or nesting partner.
Wife Swap: swapping partners for sexual experiences, one of the more common swinging dynamics.
Wingman: partner in crime who’s always has your back and there to assist you in your quests. This can be your partner, a friend, or another couple.
WSW: “Women who have sex with women!” Women who engage in same-sex behavior, but who may not necessarily self-identify as lesbians.
